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Ever have that feeling where you feel so selfish for feeling bad for yourself, but, yet, you also are so grateful for what you have? Those thoughts of what should/could/would have been; yet, you know you’re incredibly blessed despite the circumstances you have been given. At the beginning of each May, I have this inner conflict. No, not about whether to cheer for the Cubs or the Brewers, not about whether or not I should go for a stroll because it’s finally nice outside, or not about deciding on summer plans… I have a struggle within myself about Mother’s Day. I can’t say for sure, but I have an inkling I’m not the only woman who may struggle with this. On one hand, I know that I’m incredibly fortunate to have the amazing mom I do, but, yet, on the other hand, that selfish feeling of yearning to be a mother myself often creeps into my head.

In a previous entry I wrote a few years ago, I wrote about how I have the absolute best parents. Both my mom and dad are awesome and basically have dedicated their lives to make my life the best it possibly can be. My dad has modified countless things for me and does whatever he can to make my life better. He’s truly incredible. This is an article about Mother’s Day, but I couldn’t continue without mentioning him. He’s just incredible!

My mom and I have a very special relationship. Hands down, I’m honored to say she’s my best friend. As I’ve mentioned before, very ironically, she was in the special education field before I was even born. I don’t believe it was a coincidence. This has been such a blessing because she already knew about the laws and services available. She also had connections to various resources and people, and, even though she has been retired for a couple years now, she continues to. She knew the potential of what could become, and continues to push me and encourage me to be the best I can possibly be.

Unlike most daughters my age, I still rely on my mom for countless things. Everything from interviewing aides, to staying in the hospital with me, to bringing me to and being my assistant at various events… the list is truly endless. One thing sticks out to me, though. As I age, it’s no secret that I’ve struggled more with my mental and emotional health. My mom is my sounding board. I can’t even begin to count how many times I’ve broke down to her crying or texted her venting about one thing or another. My mom gets the brunt of it. Mom always listens and tries to calm me down. She always reminds me of all that I’ve done and tells me she understands (I believe she’s one of the few people who does truly understand). She’s my rock!

Mother’s Day is a day to thank and celebrate moms. I certainly celebrate and thank my incredible mom, but it’s a day that has become harder and harder for me over the years. Selfishly, in my heart, it’s a day that emphasizes what I want most in life, but will likely never happen. In a past entries, I’ve explained that some people who have disabilities are fully capable and do have children. Due to the severeness of my physical limitations, realistically, it’d be nearly impossible to care for a child. Yes, I could have assistance, but it wouldn’t be fair to the child. In my brain, I’ve come terms with the fact that I’ll likely never become a mother, but, in my heart, it’ll always hurt.

Now that my sister has become a mother and my mom has become a grandmother, it adds another layer to it. I do my best to be happy for them, but, the “what if” thoughts sometimes take over my brain. What if those complications during birth didn’t happen? Would I be a mother? Would I have made my mom a grandma first? What kind of a mom would I be? What would have my kids been like? Thoughts such as those do no good, but I believe they are unavoidable. Sharing that I have those thoughts shows how “normal” I am.  Social media also adds another layer. Years ago, I used to write a long post about my mom on Mother’s Day. She loved it as did friends and family. However, a few years ago, I realized that staying off social media during Mother’s Day weekend was better for my mental health. Seeing friends who are mothers post about how lucky they are to be moms to their kids selfishly triggered my emotions. As happy as I am for them, it was just too hard seeing that. I then explained that I wasn’t going to do a long post anymore to my mom and, of course, she said she understood. Is it selfish? Absolutely. Do I feel bad about it? Absolutely. However, it’s one less thing that reminds me of my situation. Again, thankfully, my mom “gets it.”

Women with disabilities aren’t the only ones that might have conflicting feelings about Mother’s Day. Women who struggle with infertility, people who lost their mothers, mothers who lost their child… There are many different scenarios. It’s a day of mixed emotions for many. I’m sure the same can be said about Father’s Day for men yearning to be fathers. While it may be a day of mixed feelings, it’s a time to recognize the mother figures in our life.

Happy Mother’s Day to all of the amazing moms out there—especially mine!

***The views expressed here are strictly those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of InControl Wisconsin, the Network or any of our sponsors.

Many would think that people with disabilities use the parcel services more than most. Having various things delivered to your home eliminates the need for transportation and other barriers. However, this is not the case. Whether it's trying to get down stairs to answer the door, taking too long to get to the door and missing the delivery, or another barrier, surveys show that consumers with disabilities are having issues receiving deliveries. 

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• Do you support people with disabilities? Provide information and support for voter registration and photo ID. The Disability Vote Coalition can provide you with free materials and assistance. Our website has great materials that you can order or print. Check out our 2022 Elections postcards and posters at : New DVC Materials for 2022 Elections - Wisconsin Disability Vote Coalition. Questions? Contact the DRW Voter Hotline at 844-347-8683.

Recently, Senator Orin Hatch of Utah passed away. He was the Republican Senator who sponsored the Americans with Disabilities Act.  He came to care about disability issues because his brother-in-law had polio and slept in an iron lung. 

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Speak Up!

Let us know what is important to you as a person who is blind or visually impaired in Wisconsin.  What are the most important or urgent issues your community is facing right now?  What strengths or assets does your community offer? We will be holding community conversations using Zoom on the following dates: 

• Tuesday, May 17^th 6:30PM-8:00PM
• Wednesday, May 18^th 2:00PM-3:30PM
• Thursday, May 19^th 10:00AM-11:30AM
• Tuesday, May 24^th10:00AM-11:30AM
• Wednesday, May 25^th 2:00PM-3:30PM
• Thursday, May 26^th 6:30PM-8:00PM

Join by Zoom:

https://dhswi.zoomgov.com/j/1616709312

Join by Phone:

(669) 254 5252

Meeting ID: 161 670 9312

If you can’t attend, we still want to hear from you, click this survey link and complete a short survey.

Your Words Matter!

Hosted by:  The Wisconsin Statutory Council on Blindness

Nine-person council appointed by the Secretary of the Department of Health Services to make recommendations and advocate for Wisconsin residents who are blind and visually impaired.

                          dhsscobstaffsupport@dhs.wisconsin.gov

Many people with disabilities and health conditions are worried after a federal judge's decision lifted the mask mandate on public transportation. Against the CDC's recommendation, people no longer are required to wear masks in airports, on planes, trains and buses. Many people's people with who are immunocompromised are questioning whether to go on planed plane trips and worrying about how to navigate public transportation. It's particular concerning because people with disabilities (who are often immunocompromised) are a group of people who heavily rely on public transportation. The Department of Justice is appealing the ruling. 

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While far from a comprehensive inventory of the economic picture for people with disabilities in the United States, this report offers a current snapshot of the economic crisis facing the U.S. disability community—and highlights several of the major systemic barriers and policy failures standing in the way of economic justice for people with disabilities and their families today.

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Recently, Governor Evers vetoed several bills that many feared would have a negative impact on people with disabilities. Two of the bills had to do with Medicaid making it harder to stay eligible. Another two bills were about public education. One would have caused disruption Milwaukee students with disabilities splitting the district into four-to-eight smaller districts. The other bill would have expanded Wisconsin's voucher programs in which students give up their rights and protections under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act. 

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