“Remember when this happened?” “Remember when that happened?” Can you believe we did this?” ”Can you believe we did that?” Whether it’s a dinner party with friends, a random family gathering, a class reunion, or another social event, as adults we often find ourselves reflecting on the past. Reflecting is an almost unavoidable part of life. Depending on the circumstances, sometimes it can bring up unpleasant or hurtful memories, but oftentimes it brings back joyful or funny memories. Reflecting also makes us think about all that has happened and how far we’ve come. I can’t speak for others who have different abilities, but I love to reflect. Especially when things get hard and seem impossible, thinking and talking about my past helps me realize how far I’ve come and ignites my ambition to keep fighting.

“I, Stacy Ellingen, leave wondering what the actual speed limit is in the halls of Fondy High?” A class officer recently posted our Class Will in our class Facebook group as we get ready for our 20-year reunion at the end of this month. I have no recollection of putting that the will, but, when I read it, I thought it was hilarious! 20 years. I find myself wondering how that can even be possible. Sometimes, it feels like it was forever ago, but often, it seems like it yesterday. I can’t believe it’s been 20 years!

As the reunion approaches, I find myself reminiscing on my primary education. I was enrolled in the school district for 15 years. I started in Early Childhood programs when I was three-years-old (and I was in Early Intervention programs before that).  As I’ve explained in past entries, I was enrolled in regular kindergarten class when I five. From that point on, with the exception of a few modified gym classes sprinkled in throughout the years, I was in all regular education classes. I had a one-on-one assistant who helped me in the classroom. From second grade on, I was incredibly fortunate to have the same assistant with me until I graduated. Now that I’m working in the disability advocacy field, I realize just how rare that was. This special lady made my school years all they could be. We say it was meant to be because we were partners in crime! 😊 I contribute so much of my success to her—I’m confident that I wouldn’t be where I am today without her!

Since I was in all regular classes all the way through, my peers got to know me and understand that I was just like them except that my body didn’t work like theirs. Like every other kid, I made friends. Did it take some effort to be friends with me? Of course, it did, but know what? Kids did it on their own. I was never involved in any social skills group or anything—my classmates and I figured it out. Was everyone my friend? Heck no, but kids aren’t friends with every single classmate.  People in my classes learned how I did things and understood that my assistant was only there to help me physically. They saw me fail tests and occasionally get a bad grade on an assignment, but that proved to them that I was just like them.

As I’ve explained in previous entries, I contribute a huge part of my primary education to being involved in extra-curricular activities. This is largely thanks to my parents. For a few years in elementary school, my mom was a Brownie leader so that I could participate in that. In sixth grade, I was part of a chorus.   Saying that now, I realize it sounds kind of funny because I’m nonverbal and obviously can’t sing for the life of me, but, at the time, it didn’t even cross my mind; I was with my friends and that’s all that mattered! In junior high, I was part of the Junior Optimist Club for awhile (in fact, I was even a grade representative one year). In high school, I was involved in POPS (Power of Positive Students) for a year and then I got involved in Student Council my last two years. Again, physically, I wasn’t able to contribute very much, but I could participate in activities. Most importantly, I had social interaction with my peers. Another thing that really helped me fit in was that I attended all the school dances. I also attended almost all of the football and basketball (boys and girls) games in high school. It further showed my classmates that I wanted to fit in.

Did I receive some special recognition at the end of my senior year? Yes. I received a sportsmanship scholarship from a very special family. I was also invited to the senior sports banquet where I received a sportsmanship award. I think some of the coaches played a large role in it behind the scenes, but I was told it was voted on by the athletes. To date, that’s one of the most memorable moments of life. There was something really special about being the only non-athlete being invited to the sports banquet and then receiving a standing ovation from your peers who are amazing athletes. It’s something I’ll never forget.

Not to sound too nostalgic, but my graduation was unbelievably special. I had been in school for 15 years and people understood what an accomplishment it was. I had special connections with many people in the district. I knew it was an end of an era. It didn’t hit me until after the ceremony when my assistant and I were literally running through the halls of the high school and catching the elevator up to my homeroom where I received my actual diploma. At that point, I had no idea what my future held and I wasn’t worried about it. I was ready to take on the world!

20 years later and here I am. I don’t think I had any expectations back then. However, I would have never dreamed of where I am today. We had a 10-year reunion, and, at the time, I couldn’t believe everything that had happened in 10 years. However, I think more has happened in these 10 years than the first. At our last reunion, I had just graduated from college and moved into my apartment. I didn’t have a job and wasn’t involved in any sort of advocacy. I had an agency doing my cares. A lot has changed in 10 years! Will these things seem significant when I tell people at the reunion? Probably not, but that’s okay.  It’s important for me to remember how far I’ve come.

What will happen in the next 20 years? That’s a very scary thought. I won’t get into it in this entry, but the reality of the future has recently slapped me in the face. I’ll just say it’s too frightening to think about at the moment.  I’m beyond amazed and proud of what I’ve been able to accomplish in the last 20 years. I don’t know what I expected, but never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d end up where I am today. Do I wish that could accomplish other significant life milestones like many of my classmates have? Of course, I do, but desiring those things shows how “normal” I am. Will those special milestones ever happen for me? Maybe. Maybe not. For now, I’m trying to enjoy life to the fullest and not get too caught up in what’s next!

***The views expressed here are strictly those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of InControl Wisconsin, the Network or any of our sponsors.

Whether it’s getting your foot in the door for a company you want to work at, getting an important question answered, gathering information for a critical decision one has to make, getting in touch with the right person about something important, or getting something that you really need approved by the state, most people have benefited from having connections at some point in their lives. Connections can come from all different facets of one’s life. When people are fortunate enough to happen upon the right people in various aspects of their life, it often turns out to help them in ways they didn’t foresee. Having connections helps everyone find their way through life. People with disabilities are no different. In fact, for many different reasons such as preconceptions, isolation, and the lack of resources, we likely rely on connections more than most people. For people with disabilities, the power of networking and finding connections is crucial in our lives.

In previous entries, I’ve explained that, ironically, my mom was a special education teacher before I was even born. She was teaching for several years before I was even born. Some call it fate...I don’t think it’s coincidence that I came along and had some challenges. Obviously, I was too young to realize it for quite some time, but it was a huge blessing to our family. Not that mom had all of the answers, but she had some knowledge of disability and knew of the resources available to help us navigate through the system to get what I needed to be successful. She was aware of our rights and she knew what to advocate for. She knew the process of IEP meetings and what services I needed. Albeit, it got a little awkward when she became a Program Support Teacher (where she reviewed IEP paperwork and attended meetings for students in different programs) and then had to switch roles and be the parent during some of my meetings that got heated (I feel like every kid with significant needs has at least one or two intense meetings during their school years). The team did a good job of understanding she needed to be a parent in those situations, though. 

I don’t even remember how this happened, but my sophomore year of high school, we began looking at UW-Whitewater. I believe that I got a brochure in the mail about a camp they put on for people who use augmentative alternative communication devices. For various reasons, I never ended up going to the camp, but, through one of my groups on the Internet, I connected with the organizer of the camp. He was a student at Whitewater and had very similar needs. I talked with him via email, and his hometown was only 20 minutes away from where we lived. My mom and I ended up going to his house to meet with him. I was amazed to learn that someone like me could go away to college and succeed. The summer before my junior year, my mom and I went to see the campus of UW-Whitewater. for the first time. Obviously, it was way too early to do a formal visit, but I wanted to see if it was something I’d be interested in. We met with my friend again—this time at his apartment. After that visit, I knew that was where I wanted to go. It was because of a by chance connection on the Internet that I found an amazing opportunity that ultimately shaped the rest of my life.

When I moved to Whitewater, I literally knew two people . One was the organizer of the camp and the other was a girl I met during my pre-enrollment day (Whitewater has students with disabilities come to campus a few months before to meet with people at the Center for Students with Disabilities). The girl I met also had very similar needs. She graciously gave me her contact info and we began talking. In the months prior to moving down there, I asked her all sorts of questions about college. Looking back, there’s no doubt that I bugged her with pretty silly questions, but she was good about answering them. As luck would have it, that summer we learned that we’d be neighbors in the dorm for my freshman year . She took me under her wing that year and showed me the ropes. As I met more people, I obviously made a lot more connections. Like everyone else, having connections helped me navigate college life.

About my third year of college, my mom forwarded me and email she received from her work about an online mentoring opportunity for students with disabilities.  It was through Midwest Alliance which was associated with UW-Madison. I ended up mentoring high school students with disabilities for about five years, but that isn’t the point I want to make. The manager of the program really connected with me and ended up asking me to be on a panel for a session at the Transition Conference. Being able to attend that conference literally changed my life because I was introduced to the world of disability advocacy. At the conference, I was able to attend sessions about employment for people with disabilities which happened to be perfect timing because at the time I was struggling with DVR to find employment. I ended up connecting with the presenters of one of the sessions, and, although in a very roundabout way, that connection led me to becoming self-employed and working with the organizations I do. It’s really incredible to think about all of the connections it took for me to be where I am today. It’s simply amazing!

I’ve been incredibly fortunate to be able to make even more connections that have personally benefited me through the advocacy work I’m involved in. Knowing the people to contact when I have a question or need something has been so helpful. I’ll just share one recent example.  Our wheelchair accessible van was totaled in mid-February. It was literally my only means of transportation. Right away, I posted on Facebook asking if anyone knew of any funding resources for van modifications. Much to my surprise, I learned that I could ask for a one-time expense through IRIS. My awesome consultant had never done one before, so she and her supervisor worked together to get the process started literally right away. They found out that I needed to have an accessibility evaluation done. They contacted my Independent Living Center to set it up. The Independent Living Center knows me as I’ve done some work with them over the years. They understood the urgency of the matter and they were able to squeeze me very quickly and do the assessment. They were amazing and we had the report early the next morning. It was submitted to the state. I waited a few days and then I reached out to someone who works in DHS and has presented many times to a state council that I’m on. He was able to connect me with the person who does one-time expenses, and later that day we received word that it was approved! The multiple connections that made it happen so quickly is remarkable.

As a person who has a significant physical disability that affects my speech, to say I’m proud of all the connections I’ve made would be a huge understatement. I realize that it takes some extra time and effort to communicate with me and get to know me. I’ve been beyond lucky to have so many incredible people who have done just that. Without all those connections, I wouldn’t be able to do anything. The connections have led to opportunities I never dreamed of. Everyone has different connections that influence their path in life. I’m incredibly fortunate to have so many connections that have led me to where I am today!

***The views expressed here are strictly those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of InControl Wisconsin, the Network or any of our sponsors.

“Stranger danger” is something parents teach their kids starting at a young age.  Don’t talk to people who you don’t know.  Never go with somebody you don’t know.  Always tell an adult you know if a stranger tries to do something to you.  The list goes on.  Parents do this to try to protect their child.  As kids grow up, they learn who are the people they can trust, and they develop a sense of people who may not be good to trust.  As adults, we know right from wrong and, in most cases, have a pretty keen sense of who we can and cannot trust.  Until we get to know a person, we often put a guard up when we’re around her/him.  We’re careful about what we say and do.  Depending on the circumstances, gaining trust can be challenging.  For people with disabilities, trusting people is often a unique challenge.

As I’ve explained in many previous entries, I rely on assistance from caregivers to complete all of my basic needs every single day.  Simply put, I depend on assistance from people to live.  Having to so heavily rely on people, I often find myself constantly “on guard.” When you need assistance doing tasks you need to literally survive, you have no choice but to put a tremendous amount of trust in others.  I didn’t realize it at the time because I was so wrapped up in the idea of going to college, but starting at Whitewater was when I first began really putting a lot of trust in people besides my family and friends.  Not only did I have to trust that the care agency was going to find people to fill all of my shifts, I had to put complete trust in the workers who were assisting me (and when I first started, I didn’t even meet the person until their first shift).  Granted, there were a few mishaps along the way, but, thinking back, I don’t remember having too many trust issues with people while I was in Whitewater.  A big reason was because most of my workers were college students as well, so it was like I was just hanging out with friends.

After graduating college, I moved back in with my parents.  As I’ve explained in previous entries, during that time, we tried having different care agencies come in.  While it was uncomfortable for my parents to have people come into their home and do my cares, they understood it was what needed to happen.  This was when we first realized what a struggle finding care was going to be.  Not only did we have lots of no shows, but we also had some sketchy people coming in.  I remember one time, a worker was making me dinner, and I saw her literally grab some lettuce from the bowl and eat it!  Obviously, it was just lettuce and we had plenty of it, but it was more the point that she not only felt It was ok to sneak food, but she also thought she could eat while feeding me. If she felt it was ok to take food, what else would she have taken?  There were some other issues with this person, so I had to tell the agency they couldn’t send her anymore.  That’s just one example.

When I moved to Oshkosh, I started with a new agency.  When you have new caregivers, your trust level always starts at zero.  I’m always on guard until I get to know a person.  I fortunately had pretty good luck with the first agency I had in Oshkosh. I’m not sure whether or not they did background checks, but the workers were pretty decent.  If I had a problem with a with a worker, the agency would try to work with the person and I to resolve the issue, but, ultimately, if it wasn’t working out, the agency would take the worker off my schedule.

After five years with that agency, I had to switch to a different agency.  This was truly when my trust radar heightened.  I don’t know how to say this without sounding judgmental, but, after working with caregivers for so many years, I have an uncanny way of reading people.  Within five minutes of meeting a caregiver, I can usually tell if the person is trustworthy or not.  With the agency I switched to, none of the workers were what I consider trustworthy.  However, because those workers were the only people the agency had to help me, I had no choice but to have them help me.  Low and behold, my instincts were right.  In the eight months I was with the agency, I had theft happen more than one. Being the curious person I am, I began looking the workers up on CCAP, and I was shocked what I found.  The agency couldn’t have done background checks.  Yet, these people were in my apartment with me alone.  After eight months, I had had enough and switched to Self-Directed Personal Care through IRIS.  The week before I left the agency, one of the workers who had the majority of my shift came in and told me that she had been just released from jail!  That confirmed that I made the right decision to leave the agency.

Doing Self-Directed Personal Care, I’m able to hire the people I want.  Before even interviewing people, I look each applicant up on CCAP to make sure they would pass the background check.  When we interview people, I usually have a weird sense of whether or not the person is going to work out.  However, unless there are multiple red flags during the interview, I usually have them fill out the paperwork and hire them.  Given the caregiver shortage, I can’t be too picky.  Unfortunately, many times after a training shift, people end up not working out.  The training is hands-on so the person can experience what working with me physically entails.  Another worker is here during the training to explain everything to the person. 

While the veteran worker is explaining everything to the new person, I’m evaluating the person.  I have to think about whether or not I’m going to feel safe and comfortable with the person alone.  I should preface this by saying that the first couple of shifts are rough—they always are.  However, during the training, I have to determine I’m going to be safe with the person.  As hard as it is, I try to be very open-minded when people train.  I have to remember that it’s just as uncomfortable for them as it is for me.  I have to really try to read the person and decide if it’s going to work.

Most of the time, I usually try to give people the benefit of the doubt.  However, sometimes, you have to trust your gut.  I found myself in this situation a few weeks a few weeks ago.  The person was one of the few applicants who applied and passed the background check.  We interviewed her and had her fill out the paperwork.  Again, looking back, I should have trusted my instincts, but it’s hard because I desperately need workers.  After she was approved, she came to train and her true colors came out.  She didn’t listen to anything the worker or I were saying. She kept wanting to leave on a break when I was in vulnerable situations (for example, she wanted to leave when I was on the toilet which would have been a disaster if she were alone and decided to leave—I have no way of opening the door or using the phone when I’m in the bathroom).  She also randomly left for 45 minutes and had no idea where she was.  Those coupled with some other pretty major red flags made me really question what to do.  I desperately need workers, but is it worth jeopardizing my safety and causing me stress of wondering what would happen on her first shift alone?  In this case, it wasn’t.  I decided it was best to let her go.

Trusting caregivers to assist you with your personal needs is an interesting life many people with disabilities live. As vulnerable as I am not only needing assistance to complete my basic needs, but also being nonverbal, I have to put an enormous amount of trust in people who I don’t know very well.  Over the years, I’ve learned what to let go and also when I need to take action to protect myself.  Sometimes, it’s exhausting being “on guard” all of the time, but it’s what I have to do to remain as independent as possible! 

***The views expressed here are strictly those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of InControl Wisconsin, the Network or any of our sponsors.

Being a starter on a sports team.  Standing up in a wedding.  Getting a promotion at work.  Being asked to speak at a big event.  What do these things have in common?  Things such as these make an individual feel valued.  Being valued is a psychological need of every single person on this earth.  There are a million different ways to make a person feel valued, and what makes an individual feel that way varies from person-to-person.  Feeling valued, wanted, and needed is essential to everybody.  In today’s society, it’s especially important that people feel valued.  People who have disabilities or health conditions are no different; we need and deserve to feel valued just like everybody else. In fact, sometimes, I believe people who have any sort of limitation have the need to feel more valued because, the truth is, society still doesn’t view us as equal. 

“I know you’re busy, but I’d like to come visit with Parker a day next week.  We won’t stay long.  What day would work best?,” my sister recently texted me.  Nearing the end of her maternity leave with my second nephew and wanting to visit my parents as well, she was trying to find a day to drive up.  Having talked with my parents, they told her how busy I’ve recently become.  After looking at my calendar and texting her back with the few days and times that’d work, I was talking with my mom and I said, “it’s weird that people have to schedule around my stuff. It’s usually vice versa.” What I mean by this is that I’m not used to being this busy.

As I’ve discussed in past entries, I’ve learned the hard way that my body can handle so much.  A few years ago, I took on another very part-time job doing very similar things I do for InControl Wisconsin.  People had reached out to me and encouraged me to apply.  The fact that people thought that I had the right skills and would bring value to the organization meant so much to me.  However, as I explained, a few months into the job, I ended up having emergency surgery.  After doing my best to continue working while I recovered, I discovered that my body couldn’t handle it.  Much to my dismay, after many doctor and hospital visits, I ended up resigning from the position. People totally understood, but it was really hard on me because I knew that people valued me and wanted me to do it.

That was nearly two years ago.  Knock-on-wood, my health has vastly improved and I’ve been on a really good streak.  Because of that, I’ve been able to participate in more activities and take on more responsibilities. I’m not sure of the reason, but it seems like in the past month or so, I’ve been fortunate to have been asked to participate in several different advocacy activities. With almost all of these opportunities, people reached out to me and asked me to participate in the particular activity because they thought I’d add value to the project.  Due to timing, I had to say no to one or two of the things, but I’ve been able to do most of the opportunities.

Having people reach out to me because they think I bring value to something is an unexplainable feeling.  Although, the perception of persons with disabilities has vastly improved, I still constantly feel the need to prove myself.  As I’ve said before, being in a wheelchair, having involuntary movements, and being nonverbal, I know people make assumptions.  I get it—I make them too.  We all do.  It’s human nature to.  Admittedly, knowing this, makes me self-conscious and I find myself always trying to show people that, despite my physical challenges, I can accomplish things and be successful.

Knowing that people value who I am and what I do greatly boosts my confidence.  It does for everyone, but, for people who have blatant stereotypes attached to them, being wanted and needed means a little more. Personally, as I’ve shared before, when I get discouraged or depressed because things aren’t going well or I can’t do something, my mom reminds me of all that I’ve accomplished and of all the people who value me.  Honestly, depending on the situation, often I shrug it off because she’s my mom and she has to say those things; however, deep down, it helps to be reminded.

Being valued greatly improves one’s self-worth.  Everybody benefits from getting a boost of confidence every once in a while. Have you made somebody feel valued recently?  My challenge for you is to make a friend, family member, or colleague feel valued today.  By doing so, there’s a strong possibility that you’ll feel more valued as well! 

***The views expressed here are strictly those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of InControl Wisconsin, the Network or any of our sponsors.

$1.35 billon. That’s the amount of the recent Mega Millions jackpot. It has been all over the news because it has been awhile since anybody has won the jackpot.  It has brought up the question: what would you do with a billion dollars?  Obviously, everybody has a different answer to the question and there is no right or wrong answer.  Responses to this question widely vary.  While some people dream really big and have extravagant ideas, others are more conservative and think strategically.  It’s an interesting question for everyone to ponder.  For people with disabilities or those who rely on government programs, the thought of suddenly having that much money is almost daunting.

“It wouldn’t really be beneficial to me if I won the jackpot, “ I said to my parents a few years ago when one of the lottery games had an enormous jackpot.  My dad disagreed and said yes it would.  Since my parents and I always have the topic of my care on our minds, my dad explained that I could pay people decently to take care of me.  We could hire and pay people decent wages to stay with me around the clock (while I don’t need 24/7 care right now, I’m realizing more and more how nice it’d be to have someone around to help me with things all the time).  I agree, but I don’t think winning the lottery would solve all my care troubles.

What would I do with one billon dollars (ok, about 474 million after taxes)?  That’s a very good question.  It’s interesting to think about because while, yes, almost everything in my life would change, my needs wouldn’t.  I’d still need caregivers to assist me with all my daily needs, I’d still need accessible housing of some sort, I’d still need medical professionals and other specialists to help me with my medical and equipment needs...the list goes on and on.  Would I still be able to receive the services I need?  Obviously and rightfully so, I’d be off all government assistance, but how would that work logically?  Would I be kicked out of my income-based apartment right away? What would happen with all of my insurance things?  Having so many needs, would I even be able to get private insurance?  I’d be able to buy all the equipment, but would I still qualify for assistive technology support?

Now, I realize that even thinking about this is pretty silly—especially since I’ve never bought a lottery ticket—but, what is the first thing I’d do after winning the lottery?  After contacting my immediate family (and probably going out for a nice dinner to celebrate), calling and meeting with a lawyer and financial advisor, I’d begin notifying government entities to try to figure out how to move forward. Next, I’d have to figure out a place to live.  I don’t think there are too many accessible millionaire homes readily availability in this country, so I’d probably find a big condo in a big city and have it renovated.  Then, assuming I’d be off my long-term care support, I’d have to figure out how I was going to do my care.  Since I wouldn’t be limited by insurance, I’d probably seek out a nice home care (believe it or not, some do exist—it’s just that only accept certain insurance or private pay) to set up care.  I’d buy an accessible van and hire and insure drivers to drive me everywhere.  I’d have to figure out health insurance.  Due to having a significant pre-existing condition, finding insurance maybe challenging, but I’d be able to afford a hefty insurance plan.

What would I do?  Would I continue working?  Probably not—at least not for pay.  Would I continue to advocate?  I can’t imagine that I wouldn’t because it’s who I am.  After ensuring my family and I were set for life, I think I’d start donating my money.  No idea how this would be possible, but I think I’d figure out a way to donate money to direct care workers.

It’s impossible to fathom having that much money.  To most people, one billion isn’t really even a realistic number.  Suddenly having that much money would drastically change anybody’s life.  Persons with disabilities are no different; however, we might have some extra things to take into consideration. Being financially stable would definitely make life easier, but it likely wouldn’t solve all our problems. In some ways in may in fact create new ones.  While the odds of winning a big lottery jackpot are extraordinarily low, it’s fun to daydream about what life would be like as a billionaire! 

***The views expressed here are strictly those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of InControl Wisconsin, the Network or any of our sponsors.

What’s your name? What’s your date of birth?  Please state your Social Security number.  Questions such as these are commonly asked when people are setting up appointments, participating in important personal financial meetings, or completing other personal business.  Most adults are able to answer these basic questions without even thinking about it.  In this day in age, we have to make sure it’s a legitimate source we’re giving our personal information to, but, generally speaking, if it’s a credible source, people are able to verbally say their personal information when asked.  People with disabilities and health conditions frequently have to provide personal information on a regular basis because it’s required in order to receive the services and supports they need to live a successful life.

“Please state your date of birth and Social security number,“ a lady from the Social security Administration said to me on a recent call to fill out the application for a benefit I’m going to soon qualify for.  My parents were on the call too—in fact, my parents setup the call and were going to do it for me because we thought we had setup my mom as a representative for me so she could speak on my behalf (due to my communication barriers).  It turned out that wasn’t the case.  My dad called me on his phone, put me on speakerphone, and my mom put the lady on her phone on speakerphone so that we could hear each other. 

After calling me, my parents thought that the lady would be able to ask me a simple yes/no question such as, “do you give your mom consent to speak on your behalf?” She eventually did ask that, but first she needed me to state my date of birth and Social Security number.  My parents tried explaining think I use a communication app and type everything out—at this point, I was typing something out on my communication app to see if she could hear it.  She could, so my parents explained that I could type out my birth date and Social Security number—it’d just take awhile.  The lady agreed to wait while I typed them out.  After that, she allowed me to give my mom consent to help answer the questions.

The application for this particular benefit was absolutely ridiculous!  Not only did it ask for all of my financial information, it asked about all of my health history and capabilities. My parents were able to answer most of the questions and I chimed in with my communication app when needed. It took an hour to complete the application.  It would have taken a lot longer if my parents hadn’t been able to help.

As I’ve discussed in previous entries, answering questions and having to tell people about your condition and limitations over and over isn’t easy--especially in this scenario where somewhere in the system there should be most of the information from previous benefit applications I’ve done.  While I understand some health conditions change frequently, cerebral palsy doesn’t really change too much. People don’t like rehashing what happened to them or what they can’t do.  It adds another layer to it when you need assistance completing the interview (yes, theoretically I could have answered each question by typing it out on my phone; however, there’s no way a person at Social Security would have time to wait—it’d literally take a full day to do).  Thankfully, my parents are able and willing to help me with things like this, but I’m sure it isn’t easy for them either to explain my circumstances—again, we try not to dwell on my limitations.

In an ideal world, applications such as this would be able to be completed digitally.  People would be able to fill it out on their own, do electronic signatures, and be able to communicate through an online portal if clarification is needed.  It’ll be awhile, but I think things will become even more digitized.  The need to answer those seemingly degrading questions about my circumstances will always be a part of my life, but I’m hopeful that as things become more digital, the need to verbally state personal information will decrease.  For some people, having things become more digital has been an inconvenience; however, for people like myself, it has been amazing—I can’t wait for more opportunities to be available digitally! 

***The views expressed here are strictly those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of InControl Wisconsin, the Network or any of our sponsors.

Packing boxes. Cooking dinner. Studying for an exam. Stretching before a race. Researching an item before you purchase it. There are millions of ways that people prepare for different things. Many times, we don’t even realize we do it—it’s habit. Some people feel the need to prepare for things more than others. Some people can just wing things and have them come off seamlessly. Not always, but usually preparedness and organization go hand-in-hand. Most of the time, if someone is an organized person, they also feel the need to be prepared.

“I won’t agree to do this many things again,” I said to my mom in early September as I was preparing for the Self-Determination Conference. She laughed and shook her head because she knows that’s not true. She knows how much I absolutely love doing presentations and talking with others. Like in many years past, I was asked to participate in many different things at the conference this year. It started in June or July. People sporadically began reaching out to me asking if I would like to do different things. I always say yes, but there’s a caveat—I need to know what I need to present on as soon as possible. While people do their best to get me the information in a reasonable amount of time, it’s usually not an ideal length of time for me. While I understand that most people can kind of wing speeches and presentations without putting an enormous amount of time in it, that’s not the case for me.

As I’ve explained in previous entries, I use an app on my phone called Proloque2Go to communicate. I’ll be honest—I don’t use it right. I never have used communication devices the “correct” way. I’ve never been a fan of using symbols and sequences to communicate. I’ve always preferred to type everything out that I want to say. I believe it’s not only faster, but it’s also a much more accurate way of communicating—rather than using preprogrammed phrases, I type out exactly what I want to say. Having said that, typing everything out does take some time. For spontaneously communicating, it’s usually fine because the person who I’m talking with usually know to wait. However, for long presentations, obviously typing everything out spontaneously, wouldn’t work. It’d take way too long, and I wouldn’t be able to cover hardly any of the information that I needed to. To solve this conundrum, when I have presentations, meetings, or anything that requires immediate response (that has to be semi lengthy responses), I preprogram things on to buttons. 

Now, when I say preprogram, most people have no idea what that entails. Before I explain how I do it, I have to tell you that the way I do it is probably very unconventional, but I’ve found it’s what works best for me. When I first learn that I have a presentation or something, I immediately ask what I’m presenting about or for an agenda (if it’s a meeting). I then begin typing what I want to say out on a Word document on my computer using my eye gaze system. Depending on how long of a presentation it is, this often takes days. A 30-minute presentation is about seven pages typed just to give you an idea. Once I have the first draft typed out, I copy all of it into an email and email it to myself. I then create a page in Proloque2Go for the specific event. I then start creating buttons on the page. I go back and forth between Proloque2Go and the email app on my phone—I use my double-jointed thumb to select and copy each paragraph from the email and paste it in Proloque2Go. Each paragraph is a separate button and, depending on what type of presentation it is, I label each button. I then have to go into options for every single button, and select “speak immediately” (the default option is to have the text displayed in the display box in the app and that would add more things to push while I’m presenting). In addition to programming buttons for each paragraph, I put a blank button between each button that has content. I do this because I’m apted to hit the wrong button if they’re right next to each other, so I put blank buttons in as spacers to help me be more accurate. While I don’t have to label or change the options for blank buttons, I still have to program a space for the button in order for a blank spot to appear.

After I get all of the paragraphs programmed, I then have to play each button to make sure it sounds right. Many times, I miss a word or something isn’t pronounced right on the app (for example, in order to have it say my last name, Ellingen, right, I have to spell it ell in jen). When that happens, I have to go into the specific button, copy the text, paste it into the Notes app, correct whatever it is, re copy the corrected text, and paste it back into the button in Proloque2Go. The process continues until each and every button sounds right. Depending If it’s a long presentation, I label the buttons using the alphabet. After I’m done programming the speech, using the Word document I originally created, I label each paragraph with the correlating letter of the button. I print out the labeled document and put it in the binder, so while I’m presenting, I follow it and know which letter I’m on.

You may see why I like to be prepared. I actually have no choice. I have to in order to be able to do many things. I had 138 buttons programmed with content for this year’s conference which meant, because of the spacer buttons, I programmed over 300 buttons total! It was a lot this year. Ideally, I would have had more time to prepare, but I understand that when you’re collaborating with people, things can’t happen as fast as you’d like. It was a pretty stressful few weeks, but I managed to get everything done.

While I would love to be able to just wing a presentation or a meeting, I can’t. Luckily, for me, I’m an overly organized person. As I’ve discussed in previous entries, I don’t procrastinate on anything. I have to be almost overly prepared for everything in life—it’s just who I am. Most tasks take me at least twice as long to complete, so time is a crucial component in my life. I have to consider the extra time I need in all aspects of life and try to be as prepared as I can for whatever life has in store!

***The views expressed here are strictly those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of InControl Wisconsin, the Network or any of our sponsors.

When a car breaks down, people get it towed to a repair shop and have it fixed. If it’s going to take a few days to get it fixed, people usually have the option of getting a loaner vehicle to use. When your furnace doesn’t fire on a cold winter morning, you call a repair company and they often can come fix it within hours. For the most part, if something isn’t working, people are now used to getting it fixed or finding a solution within at least a few days. Generally, people don’t have to wait weeks or months for a solution—that is, unless you’re someone with a disability. As I’ve said before, for many people who have different abilities, “wait” should be our middle name.

In previous entries, I’ve talked about how I wait for everything from getting up in the morning, to eating and using the restroom, to going to bed at night. Waiting is a major part of my life. There is a different kind of waiting that a lot of people with similar circumstances do that the general population doesn’t even realize. The wait for services or approvals. I’ve briefly touched on how it takes many months for needed equipment to be approved through Medicaid. In most instances for Durable Medical Equipment, if it’s a new need, the approval process is generally pretty quick because the person needs the piece of equipment likely due to a recent change in condition. However, if it’s a replacement piece of equipment, it often takes many months due to needing very specific justification and documentation. This is often the case with repairs and adjustments to existing equipment as well. If the piece of equipment is not functional for the person to use without repairs or adjustments, the DME provider usually tries to find a loaner or similar solution for the person to make-do until approvals come through. Many times, the make-do solution isn’t ideal for the person. This happened to me several years ago when my wheelchair stopped working while I was waiting for approvals for a new chair. Many times, people keep their old chair as backup for when something happens to their current one, but, unfortunately, my old one had stopped working. The chair was in the shop five or six times, but they couldn’t figure out what was going on with it. Eventually, they gave me a loaner. Fortunately, they had a similar power wheelchair sitting in the shop and they were able to jerry rig it to make it functional for me, but it was less than ideal. As I explained in last month’s entry, power wheelchairs are usually pretty customized, and, as great as my Assistive Technology Professional is, you can only customize a loaner to a certain extent. I ended using the loaner chair six or seven months until the new chair was approved, ordered and delivered.

Durable Medical Equipment isn’t the only thing that people with disabilities often have a wait for. For those of us who need specialized technology equipment to help us access the computer, there is sometimes several hoops to jump through and takes months to get the equipment you need. I’ve done an entry about my eye gaze system that I use to type on my computer. It’s much faster than typing on an adapted keyboard. I have had it for about three years now. My actual computer is about five years old. Low and behold, both the eye gaze and the computer recently started acting up. Of course, it happens when I’m busy preparing presentations for the Self-Determination Conference. Unfortunately, I can’t just go out and buy a new computer like most people do. Since I have so much specialized technology equipment I use, I need an assistive technology specialist to help me figure out what I need and to help me set it up. One of the only ways to get an Assistive Technology evaluation done is to go through the Department of Vocational Rehabilitation, DVR. Obviously, I use my computer for work, so DVR should hopefully be able to help me get an evaluation through a vendor.

The process of re-enrolling in DVR is pretty extensive. First, I had to reapply online which is a long list of questions you answer. The application asks all sorts of questions about your history and condition. Once you submit that, an intake person calls you and sets up a meeting. At the meeting, the person basically goes over the application with you and has you sign release of information forms to obtain medical records from your doctors. Once they gather your records, you’re then assigned a counselor. You then have to answer another series of questions about your employment history and capabilities. If you’re looking for employment, it makes total sense, but, in my situation where I already am happily employed and not looking for more work, these questions seem pretty pointless. After answering all of the questions, you have to have another meeting with your counselor to development your employment plan. Again, for people looking for employment, this process makes sense. However, for people in my situation who are just needing support and services in order to be able to continue working at their current job, it seems a little mundane. After you have your plan, you have to wait for DVR to find a vendor that will do the service. Depending on the vendor and service, there’s usually a lengthy waiting list. In this instance, once I finally have the evaluation, I’ll likely have to wait for the vendor to submit a report and recommendations to DVR and then I’ll have to wait to see what they approve. Then, it’ll take time to order and receive the equipment. Finally, I’ll likely have to wait for the assistive technology specialist to have time to come set everything up. Remember—all of this is just so I can get updated computer.

Meanwhile, while I wait for all this to happen, I try to make do with what I have and really hope that my computer holds on a little longer. My eye gaze system is going in and out—it works great for one day and then it doesn’t work at all for a few days in a row. When it randomly does work, I try my best to get as much typing down as possible (this journal entry is a perfect example—I’m typing this over a week before it’ll be posted because the eye gaze decided to work for a few hours). It’s just so much faster for me to type using it as opposed to my adapted keyboard.

As much as I’d love to just be able to buy new equipment or call a repair shop to have it fixed, there’s often so much more that goes into specialized equipment that many people with disabilities rely on. Sometimes, it gets frustrating having to jump through countless hoops and wait months for things that make life easier. Unfortunately, I don’t see many processes changing anytime soon. Waiting is incredibly hard, but, I have to say, it makes the time when you do finally get the proper equipment, much sweeter!

***The views expressed here are strictly those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of InControl Wisconsin, the Network or any of our sponsors.