A bad day at work. A car accident. A bad breakup. A medical diagnosis. A court trial. There are millions of things that cause stress and anxiety. Stress is part of everyday life. There is also good stress like weddings and birth of children. Everyone handles stress differently. Some people thrive under stress; while others get physically ill. There are many different ways to deal with stress and anxiety. Everything from keeping it to one’s self to receiving in-patient psychiatric treatment. People with disabilities often deal with stress and anxiety just like everyone else—in fact, I would bet we have more stress and anxiety than the average person.

A few years ago, I wrote an entry about mental health. Back then, I was taking a small dose of a medication for anxiety and depression. Long story short, I ended up getting off that medication because it was causing issues with my muscle spasticity. At the time, my physical well being was more important than any mental health issues I had. I leaned on family and friends for emotional support and I was relatively fine for a few years.

“Find joy in the journey.” “Broken crayons still color.” Those are two of the signs that I have on the wall in my kitchen. I look at them every time I eat at my kitchen table. Anyone who knows me knows that I love cheesy signs, but those two saying have really resignated with me the past few months.

I won’t go into detail, but 2023 hasn’t been the best for my family. It seems like one thing after another has happened. Each of these things have put stress on the entire family. Unlike most adults my age, I don’t have a significant other to lean on during hard times. I of course have my family members, but they have their own thoughts and emotions to deal with. The last thing I wanted to do was to put my emotions on their plates.

At the end of April, I decided I needed to seek some help. I made an anonymous post on the Wisconsin Disability Connections Facebook page asking if anyone knew of a virtual counseling firm that billed Medicaid. I was referred to a website that had all sorts of resources. Through email and texting, I was able to get in touch with a virtual counseling firm that billed Medicaid. The owner was very accommodating and worked to set everything up through email. I was linked with a counselor and have been working with her since the beginning of May. Since it’s virtual, I type to her in the chat box using my eye gaze system. It’s a pretty unique situation, but I’m so thankful I found someone willing to work with me.

As it turns out, I probably should have reached out years ago as I’ve learned that I’ve had anxiety and depression for years. Having someone to talk with and sort things through with has really helped. I’ve learned lots of techniques and skills to help deal with the things that are happening in life. I’ve learned that my feelings are valid and it’s okay to have those feelings. I obviously won’t share everything we work on, but one of my weaknesses is self-compassion. Needing assistance with my basic needs combined with the caregiver crisis, I often feel like a burden to my family—especially when another situation is happening. My counselor is helping me understand that while, yes, I may feel like a burden, a lot of things are out of my control. My family wants to help me because they love me. We’re also working on “radical acceptance.” Basically, acceptance what is because I have no control over it. This has been especially helpful with the caregiver situation. Instead of blaming myself for needing care (and don’t have enough workers), I’m working on accepting it as just a fact and trying not to bring emotion into the situation.

Another thing that my counselor has been working with me on is initiation. I have a hard time asking people to do anything social because I hate obligating people. This is especially true as I’ve gotten older because I know my friends have families of their own. I feel like when I ask people to do anything I’m obligating them especially because they know that I don’t have many opportunities to socialize. I don’t want them to feel bad if they can’t. My counselor keeps reminding me that people will say no if they can’t. Albeit, not often, but I’m getting better at initiating social opportunities.

I’m also learning to reach out to friends when I need emotional support. Again, I hate bothering anyone, so my counselor has been challenging me to reach out to a couple friends to talk with. Of course, the couple friends I’ve reached out to have been understanding and very supportive. This has been really helpful. Very thankful to have such great friends!

Like most people, at first, I didn’t tell anyone I was in counseling because I was embarrassed. In fact, I didn’t even tell my mom I did it until I filled out forms and had to list her as my emergency contact. I thought people would see me as weak and needy when they found out that I am seeing a counselor; however, I’m slowly realizing and accepting it is actually kind of a strength. Admittedly, I don’t fully see it as something positive yet, but I’m seeing the benefits it has had. Most people don’t even notice (and that’s a good thing), but I’ve made great progress since May. Most importantly, I feel better!

I certainly hope that things will settle down a little bit for my family, but, as my mom always says “it’s our journey.” Everyone has some amount of stress and anxiety. It’s life. It’s perfectly okay to reach out for a little help if life gets to be too much. Do it for yourself, so you can find joy in your journey!

***The views expressed here are strictly those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of InControl Wisconsin, the Network or any of our sponsors.