“Remember when this happened?” “Remember when that happened?” Can you believe we did this?” ”Can you believe we did that?” Whether it’s a dinner party with friends, a random family gathering, a class reunion, or another social event, as adults we often find ourselves reflecting on the past. Reflecting is an almost unavoidable part of life. Depending on the circumstances, sometimes it can bring up unpleasant or hurtful memories, but oftentimes it brings back joyful or funny memories. Reflecting also makes us think about all that has happened and how far we’ve come. I can’t speak for others who have different abilities, but I love to reflect. Especially when things get hard and seem impossible, thinking and talking about my past helps me realize how far I’ve come and ignites my ambition to keep fighting.

“I, Stacy Ellingen, leave wondering what the actual speed limit is in the halls of Fondy High?” A class officer recently posted our Class Will in our class Facebook group as we get ready for our 20-year reunion at the end of this month. I have no recollection of putting that the will, but, when I read it, I thought it was hilarious! 20 years. I find myself wondering how that can even be possible. Sometimes, it feels like it was forever ago, but often, it seems like it yesterday. I can’t believe it’s been 20 years!

As the reunion approaches, I find myself reminiscing on my primary education. I was enrolled in the school district for 15 years. I started in Early Childhood programs when I was three-years-old (and I was in Early Intervention programs before that).  As I’ve explained in past entries, I was enrolled in regular kindergarten class when I five. From that point on, with the exception of a few modified gym classes sprinkled in throughout the years, I was in all regular education classes. I had a one-on-one assistant who helped me in the classroom. From second grade on, I was incredibly fortunate to have the same assistant with me until I graduated. Now that I’m working in the disability advocacy field, I realize just how rare that was. This special lady made my school years all they could be. We say it was meant to be because we were partners in crime! 😊 I contribute so much of my success to her—I’m confident that I wouldn’t be where I am today without her!

Since I was in all regular classes all the way through, my peers got to know me and understand that I was just like them except that my body didn’t work like theirs. Like every other kid, I made friends. Did it take some effort to be friends with me? Of course, it did, but know what? Kids did it on their own. I was never involved in any social skills group or anything—my classmates and I figured it out. Was everyone my friend? Heck no, but kids aren’t friends with every single classmate.  People in my classes learned how I did things and understood that my assistant was only there to help me physically. They saw me fail tests and occasionally get a bad grade on an assignment, but that proved to them that I was just like them.

As I’ve explained in previous entries, I contribute a huge part of my primary education to being involved in extra-curricular activities. This is largely thanks to my parents. For a few years in elementary school, my mom was a Brownie leader so that I could participate in that. In sixth grade, I was part of a chorus.   Saying that now, I realize it sounds kind of funny because I’m nonverbal and obviously can’t sing for the life of me, but, at the time, it didn’t even cross my mind; I was with my friends and that’s all that mattered! In junior high, I was part of the Junior Optimist Club for awhile (in fact, I was even a grade representative one year). In high school, I was involved in POPS (Power of Positive Students) for a year and then I got involved in Student Council my last two years. Again, physically, I wasn’t able to contribute very much, but I could participate in activities. Most importantly, I had social interaction with my peers. Another thing that really helped me fit in was that I attended all the school dances. I also attended almost all of the football and basketball (boys and girls) games in high school. It further showed my classmates that I wanted to fit in.

Did I receive some special recognition at the end of my senior year? Yes. I received a sportsmanship scholarship from a very special family. I was also invited to the senior sports banquet where I received a sportsmanship award. I think some of the coaches played a large role in it behind the scenes, but I was told it was voted on by the athletes. To date, that’s one of the most memorable moments of life. There was something really special about being the only non-athlete being invited to the sports banquet and then receiving a standing ovation from your peers who are amazing athletes. It’s something I’ll never forget.

Not to sound too nostalgic, but my graduation was unbelievably special. I had been in school for 15 years and people understood what an accomplishment it was. I had special connections with many people in the district. I knew it was an end of an era. It didn’t hit me until after the ceremony when my assistant and I were literally running through the halls of the high school and catching the elevator up to my homeroom where I received my actual diploma. At that point, I had no idea what my future held and I wasn’t worried about it. I was ready to take on the world!

20 years later and here I am. I don’t think I had any expectations back then. However, I would have never dreamed of where I am today. We had a 10-year reunion, and, at the time, I couldn’t believe everything that had happened in 10 years. However, I think more has happened in these 10 years than the first. At our last reunion, I had just graduated from college and moved into my apartment. I didn’t have a job and wasn’t involved in any sort of advocacy. I had an agency doing my cares. A lot has changed in 10 years! Will these things seem significant when I tell people at the reunion? Probably not, but that’s okay.  It’s important for me to remember how far I’ve come.

What will happen in the next 20 years? That’s a very scary thought. I won’t get into it in this entry, but the reality of the future has recently slapped me in the face. I’ll just say it’s too frightening to think about at the moment.  I’m beyond amazed and proud of what I’ve been able to accomplish in the last 20 years. I don’t know what I expected, but never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d end up where I am today. Do I wish that could accomplish other significant life milestones like many of my classmates have? Of course, I do, but desiring those things shows how “normal” I am. Will those special milestones ever happen for me? Maybe. Maybe not. For now, I’m trying to enjoy life to the fullest and not get too caught up in what’s next!

***The views expressed here are strictly those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of InControl Wisconsin, the Network or any of our sponsors.