Asking a question. Responding to a question. Talking with coworkers in a meeting. Conversing with friends and family over dinner. Adding your two cents during a argument. Telling someone a story. Asking for help with something. The list goes on and on. People verbally converse with others often hundreds of times per day. Verbal communication comes naturally for people. When was the last time you thought about the words that you were about to say? Unless you’re giving a presentation or speaking at an important meeting, you usually don’t think about every single word you say before speaking it. Most people often don’t even think about the words coming out of their mouth. Verbal communication is the norm and, we, as humans, are accustomed to listening to people verbally speak. What happens when a person is unable to communicate verbally? People who have certain disabilities often find this really challenging and frustrating. Whether a person has a hearing impairment and communicates through sign language or if a person has a speech impairment and uses an augmentative device to speak, the general population doesn’t know how to talk with people who use alternative methods of communication.

If you have read my past entries, you likely know that my disability affects my ability to verbally speak. I’m able to make some sounds and form some words, but the average person would not understand my speech. My family and friends who are around me more can understand often understand what I’m saying because they’ve been around me for so long. I don’t remember exactly when, but therapists started having me use very simple picture boards to communicate when I was very little. When I started Early Childhood when I was three years old, they started working with me on an augmentative communication device. Growing up, I had many different types of devices. I’ll be honest. I’m not the model augmentative communication device user. There are a couple different parts to this. First and foremost, until just a few years ago, mounts for communication devices used to be huge and very cumbersome. Through college, my devices were on huge trays and mounts that inhibited my independence. I couldn’t pull up to tables or desks when it was on. Second, most people who use comm devices use icons and sequences to form sentences. Despite multiple therapists attempting to get me to do so, I’ve personally never liked using sequences. I’ve always felt like I it was better to type everything out rather than using sequences and preprogrammed phrases. That’s just me. It wasn’t until about six or seven years ago that we realized that I could use the communication app on my cell phone. This changed my life. My dad is pretty handy and before I moved to Oshkosh, he created a mount for my cell phone using a footplate from an old manual wheelchair. When I learned that my communication app could be downloaded onto my phone, I was so psyched. I actually now use two different communication apps. One I use when I have to preprogram things for presentations I do, and the other is basically a fancy word prediction program that I use for spontaneous communication. It’s amazing having these apps on my phone where I can easily access them.

Having said all that, I still feel communication is by far my biggest barrier. Sometimes, people ask me if I could have one ability that I don’t have, what would it be? Without hesitation, I always say the ability to verbally speak. This surprises people, but it’s a no-brainer for me. Not only are there obvious stereotypes associated with being not able to communicate in the “normal way,” it’s also incredibly frustrating.

My communication apps are great; however, the honest fact is that it does take me substantially longer than the average conversation time to get out what I want to say. It’s been that way my entire life and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. When I’m having a one-on-one conversation with someone who knows me, it’s usually ok. The person knows to wait. It’s a personal preference for each communication device user, but I don’t mind if the person watches me type and tries to guess what I’m going to say—it saves me time and energy. However, some users prefer that people not guess. It’s truly an individual choice. Even if the person knows me, he/she will often walk away mid-conversation while I’m typing and start a conversation with someone else. That’s incredibly frustrating. Depending on the situation, when I start a conversation with someone who doesn’t know me well, I often explain that it does take me longer to communicate and kindly ask for their patience. Sometimes, it works, but, often, it doesn’t.  For meetings, if I can preprogram anything (like I often program a short introduction), I do. Spontaneous communication is tricky in meetings. Often, by the time I finish typing my thought about something, the meeting has moved on to a different topic. Depending on the situation, I either speak my thought and apologize for the delay or, oftentimes, I just don’t share it because it’d interrupt the flow of the meeting.

Virtual meetings are unique. Like I do for in-person meetings, I look at the agenda and preprogram what I can ahead of time. For spontaneous communication, I find it easier if I type my thoughts in the chat box and have someone relay it verbally to the group. Not only am I a little faster typing in the chat using my eye gaze system than I am typing in the app on my phone, it also doesn’t interrupt the meeting as much.  Do I still miss out on a lot of opportunities to share my thoughts because I can’t verbally speak? Absolutely, but this is the best way I can think of to effectively communicate. Some people who use communication devices will have each word speak as they type and hold up the meeting until they finish their thought. Again, it’s personal preference. Personally, as ironic as it sounds, I can’t stand having people—especially a large group—wait for me. Having that pressure makes my muscles extremely tense making it harder to type.  I also don’t believe that it’s right to hold up people’s valuable time in professional meetings just so I can speak my mind. It’s my self-consciousness, I guess.

Over the years, I’ve gotten better about asserting myself in certain situations. If I’m comfortable with the group, I’m more apt to express my thoughts even if the discussion about the topic has ended, but, admittedly, I usually have a lot more I want to say. Not having the ability to verbally speak is the most frustrating aspect of my disability. All I can do is continue to put myself out there and make sure my voice is heard!

***The views expressed here are strictly those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of InControl Wisconsin, the Network or any of our sponsors.