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Stacy’s Journal:  When Obvious is Too Obvious


By Stacy Ellingen, 2018-07-31

A tv commercial demonstrating how to interact with those with disabilities has been running in my area.  While the commercial is positive and has accurate advice, when I first saw it, I questioned why it’s even needed.  After all, we’re in the twenty-first century.  Shouldn’t people know to treat a person who happens to have a disability like any other person?  Unfortunately, that’s not the case.  Although, it has significantly improved over the years, the general population still isn’t comfortable with people with disabilities.

 “She’s drooling.”  That’s what a man walked up and said to my mom as he handed her a paper towel in a congregational meeting after church one recent Sunday morning.  Very shocked and not wanting to make a scene, my mom quietly said, “thank you.”  I, on the other hand, was ready to walk out of the room right then and there.  Mom made me wait until we voted on the issue and then we left.  Words can’t describe how utterly embarrassed I was.  I don’t even think that the people sitting at our table realized what had happened (which is a good thing), but that’s not the point.  I’ve been going to that church all of my life and know that man has seen me many times before.  I realize that in his heart, he probably meant it well, but if these things are still going on in a church of all places, there is a lot more educating to do.  Most of the time, people with physical disabilities are well aware of what their bodies do or don’t do, and to have an adult point it out, is a real slap in the face (kids are a different story because they don’t know better).

Articles about “disability etiquette” have surfaced on social media in recent years.  One thing commonly discussed in those articles is how not to automatically help a person with a disability without first asking.  While it’s human nature to want to help somebody who appears to be struggling with a simple task, often people with disabilities and other conditions take pride in being able to do things independently.  If someone jumps in and tries to help without asking, not only could it hinder the person’s independence, it could also unintentionally harm the person or his/her equipment.  Another common thing often discussed in those articles is how people should always talk directly to the person even if he/she appears to unable to communicate or not cognitively aware.  This happens all the time to me.  Rather than asking me a question directly, they’ll phrase it in third-person and ask the person who I’m with.  This drives me crazy!  Granted, the people I’m with often answer questions for me just to save time, but questions should be always directed toward the person it’s about (if he/she is present) .

While those articles are great, I often wonder who reads them besides those who live and work in the disability community.  Generally speaking, most family and friends of someone with a disability learn fairly quickly what’s considered offensive to people who have disabilities and health conditions.  I’m betting that most of the people who read those articles certainty agree with the etiquette tips, but aren’t the ones who need the information.

I haven’t seen too many things about “not pointing out the obvious” for lack of a better words.  In my opinion, a lot of it has to do with the way people were brought up.  As I’m writing this, something else dawned on me.  Fifty years ago, people with disabilities were rarely seen in public.  That probably has a lot to do with why many older adults often aren’t sure what to do around people with different abilities.  It certainly isn’t an excuse by any means, but it explains a little bit—some older adults were never around people with disabilities while growing up.

Dealing with other people’s reactions definitely takes an emotional toll.  As I’ve said before, unless a situation presents itself, I usually don’t think of myself as having a disability.  However, it doesn’t sit well when I’m reminded of my differences due to someone pointing out a flaw.  Regardless of whether it was intentional or not, it still hurts.  I’ve learned to laugh most of the comments off, but there are some that really sting.  It’s when those happen that I need to be reminded that I’m a pretty unique person, and sometimes people are totally unaware that their comments are very degrading.  All we can do is keep educating society in hope that one day each and every person—regardless of his/her unique differences—is treated just like everyone else.  It’s apparent that we still have some work to do! 

***The views expressed here are strictly those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of InControl Wisconsin, the Network or any of our sponsors.


The National Center for Mobility Management (NCMM) is seeking input from state and local stakeholders to inform the future of transportation coordination. Your feedback will help to shape the Coordinating Council on Access and Mobility (CCAM) federal interagency work group plan and focus areas by identifying promising practices, barriers, and challenges around coordinated transportation.

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The National Park Service reports that nine parks across the U.S. have received more than $10 million in federal funding to design and build projects to make trails, buildings, waterways and camping more accessible to people with disabilities.  

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Remarks from a top official at the federal agency responsible for community living leaves lawmakers looking for answers.  Mary Lazare, who serves as principal deputy administrator for the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services’ Administration for Community Living, allegedly made the controversial remarks about favoring "segregation" of  people with disabilities during a keynote address last week at the Autism Society’s national conference in Bethesda, Md.  The Administration for Community Living quickly released a statement on their Twitter page to backtrack her comments..  

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The Department of Health Services is holding multiple forums across the state about updates for Children's Long-Term Support.  Learn about the latest updates in the CLTS Waiver Program. DHS representatives will present information on the following important
topics:
• Draft CLTS service rates
• CLTS Provider Directory
• CLTS Wait List elimination initiative
This is an opportunity to receive information, ask questions and provide input.

See attached file for dates and locations

CLTSCommunicationProviderForums_2018_0718.pdf CLTS Provider Forum Schedule
CLTSCommunicationProviderForums_2018_0718.pdf, 51KB

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With primary elections less than a month away, many disability advocacy groups are coming together to get people with disabilities registered to vote.  More than 340,000 people in Wisconsin with disabilities are eligible to vote, but they face many issues in both registering and voting.  Advocacy groups are working to educate people with disabilities about the multiple accommodations available to assist with voting.  They are also helping people with disabilities register to vote.

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It's well known that the caregiver shortage is nationwide, but now some people are saying that the high housing costs are making it more difficult to find caregivers.  The pinch is affecting workers of all ages, across levels of management and specialities, making it harder for home care companies to recruit and retain people.  

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States and cities are being pressed by environmentalists to eliminate plastic straws, but strong objections from disability advocates and others have delayed or stopped some proposed bans.  Plastic straws are an easy target for environmental change because they are considered nonessential to the general population.  However, for many people with disabilities, plastic straws are the only safe feasible way to consume liquid.  



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Partners in Policymaking is a six-session advocacy and systems change training program for people living with developmental disabilities, their siblings, and parents of children with disabilities ages birth to 21. It is designed to develop a group of seasoned leaders statewide who are able to work on policies and initiatives that will support the full participation and inclusion of people with developmental disabilities in all aspects of life.

We are currently accepting applications for our 2018-2019 class of Partners in Policymaking. Follow the link below for more info and a copy of the application.

Application:LINK


The purpose of SPARKS Grants is to organize local grassroots groups to make changes in their communities that result in a positive impact on the lives of people with intellectual and developmental disabilities (I/DD), including individuals with diverse identities and/or individuals that are under-served.

Priority activities for 2018-19 SPARKS Grants are:

1.      Increasing transportation options for people with I/DD

2.      Increasing the number of people with I/DD voting

To download an application follow the link below:

SPARKS Grant Application

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