There’s a saying that goes something like, “you can’t choose your family, but you can choose your friends.”  As I’ve alluded to in past entries, I’m incredibly blessed to have an absolutely wonderful family but I’m also very fortunate to have awesome friends.  For some people who have disabilities, finding true friends can be challenging. 

For me, since I have pretty severe limitations, it was hard to get people to understand that I was fully cognitively aware.  This was especially the case when I was younger.  It really helped that I was completely mainstreamed from Kindergarten on.  Each year, more and more classmates got to know me.  Teachers and educational assistants were great about making sure students included me.  In fact, I remember my very first day of first grade (I had switched schools because my parents were building a wheelchair accessible house in a different part of the city), my teacher (who I ironically had for two years of Early Childhood previously) took me out of my chair and sat me on a bench with her where she explained my disability to the class. I think that really helped.

Over the years, I made many great friends in school. They got to know me and understand my needs.  Like most kids, I had many “best friends” during my elementary school years.  These friends understood me  (I’m mostly  nonverbal)  and didn’t mind helping  me with things like feeding  and driving my chair (not that I needed help driving, but it was a cool thing to do back then).  They saw past my disability.  I got invited to things like birthday parties just like my peers.   Most of the time, my mom accompanied me to parties to assist me.  I also had many birthday parties and sleepovers.  I was in things like Girl Scouts too.  My parents were all about providing me with opportunities to socially interact. 

My junior high years were interesting years for me.  Because of where we lived, I went to a junior high school than most of my friends from elementary school—including my three “best friends.”  I did make friends during those years, but I also kept in touch with my best friends.  When we went to high school, we were all back together and it was awesome.  As I mentioned in a previous entry, even though I never had a date, I attended every school dance with my friends.  I’m still close friends with these girls today.

When I started at UW-Whitewater, I vaguely knew three people.  I laugh at that now because I have so many friends from college.  UW-Whitewater was different in that since it specialized in serving students with disabilities, it wasn’t unusual for students with disabilities to become friends with other students with disabilities.  In fact, it was more common than not. It  took me awhile to get used to because in my high school, I was practically the only student who had significant physical limitations who was in all regular classes; so for obvious reasons, I did my best  not to  associate myself with  those with cognitive disabilities.  In college, though, since there was such a variety of students with and without disabilities, I learned quickly that it didn’t matter.  Actually, it was very apparent that it was natural for those with similar circumstances to become friends.  I became friends with lots of people who had various types of abilities.  We were there for each other when limitations got in our way, and we also pushed and encouraged each other to reach our highest potential.

At UW-Whitewater, I also quickly became friends with a different group of people—my personal care assistants.  Yes, the care agency tried to prevent it from happening because it was “unethical,” but it’s almost inevitable not to become friends with someone who is helping you with your personal care needs.   Most of my care assistants were students as well, so it was just like I was hanging out with friends.  Obviously, not all of my assistants became close friends (and that’s ok), but I had a great group of girls who had my back.  We’d hang out and do things outside of my shifts.  I’d try to be conscious not to “use” them to help me outside of my shift times, but, to them, it was no big deal to help me with things when they weren’t working—to them, it was like helping a friend.  Like many college students, we’d stay out late and those girls had no problem throwing me in bed when we got back.  The care agency eventually gave up trying to stop our friendship and loved how close we were. 

Four of us became super close and remain close to this day.  We don’t see each other as often as we’d like, but it just makes the times we do get together more special. Recently, my parents and I attended a wedding of one of the girls.  The four girls were back together for a mere few hours, and, on the way home, my mom said, “those girls bring out something in you that no one else can.”   She’s right.  I can only hope our friendship lasts forever.

I understand that being friends with someone who has a physical disability takes some extra effort.  As we get older, my friends have to explain my disability to their significant others and children.  I’m sure that’s not an easy conversation to have, but they do it because they love me and want to remain friends.  Their boyfriends/husbands and children always seem to embrace the situation.  To me, that’s true friendship!

 Where would I be without my friends?  Honestly, it’s a scary thought.  I can’t begin to imagine my life without them.  I’m so incredibly blessed that they chose to become friends with me!

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