Whether they admit it or not, most people daydream at least for a few minutes each day.  We daydream about lots of different things.  I’m not sure this is common among people with disabilities or not, but, sometimes, I catch myself thinking about the “what if” question. What if I didn’t have Cerebral Palsy?  How would my life be?  I candidly admit those questions go through my head too often.  Questions like those run through my head especially when I’m having multiple problems solely related to having a disability which are preventing me from a “normal” life.  I also find myself pondering about those thoughts when I witness friends and family members reaching significant milestones in life that will likely never happen for me.  I hate when I catch myself asking those questions because it does me absolutely no good.

Cerebral Palsy (CP) is a condition that appears in infancy or early in childhood that affects a person’s body movement, muscle coordination, and balance.  It’s often caused by a lack of oxygen to the brain. Due to complications during birth, I was without oxygen for eight minutes. At one point, I was given my last rights by a minister and was even pronounced dead. Doctors were able to revive me, but due to the lack of oxygen, I was diagnosed with Athetoid CP when I was three months old.  CP isn’t a progressive condition—meaning it doesn’t get worse (or better) with time.  Treatments, such as therapies, help enhance the person’s quality of life, but, currently, there isn’t a cure for CP.

I’ve always been thankful that I’ve never experienced life without limitations as opposed to acquiring a disability after living life without one.  I was born with CP, so I’ve never known life without it.  I think it would be much harder to acquire a disability after living without one for any amount of time.

In many of the Facebook groups and online disability forums I belong to, a common question that frequently comes up for discussion is, “if a cure became available for disability, would you take it?”  Unlike many people, I think I would take the cure for CP.  Many people say that their disability is a part of who they are.  I respect that, but, for me, that’s not the case. I’ve always said yes, I accept I have CP, but it doesn’t define the person I am.  Of course, I’d have to take the risks and side effects into consideration, but, for that reason, if a magical cure became available, I think I would take it.

Albeit, “being cured” is almost impossible to even fathom, but admittedly it’s something that does cross my mind fairly often. I imagine who I’d be, where  I’d be, and what I’d be doing if I didn’t have CP.  Of course, my imagination is likely not very realistic because I dream I’d have the perfect life, but I know that wouldn’t probably be the case—nobody has a perfect life.

Although, I’m not an overly religious person, I do believe that there’s a reason I was brought back to life after eight minutes. I don’t know that I’ll understand the full reason as to why I was revived and given extra challenges while I’m here on earth, but I believe someday that I will find out. I’m slowly finding out that two of my purposes in life are to advocate for people with disabilities and to encourage others to persevere no matter what life hands you. I’m sure that there are more purposes, but those two seem to be most prevalent.

When those “what if” and “why me” questions start floating around in my head, I try my best to think about my purpose in life.  It’s definitely not easy to do, but I realize that I may have a different purpose in life than many of my acquaintances.  I’ll likely never do things like get married or have kids, but that’s ok because I’m meant to do other things like educate people about disabilities and encourage them to never ever give up.

Science is getting closer and closer to finding cures for many diseases and conditions.  Maybe not in my lifetime, but, someday, I believe there will be a cure for CP.  Until then, we have to try to make the best of the abilities we do have, and, live life to the fullest. 

"I'm a person that just happens to have a disability, but that doesn't mean I'm a disabled person." ~Marilyn Gould

***The views expressed here are strictly those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of InControl Wisconsin, the Network or any of our sponsors.