Have you ever been thrown into something that you never imagined yourself doing? Whether it’s learning a new skill set to keep your job, traveling around the world to support your significant other, protesting about something at the Capitol, assisting a loved one with intimate cares, or another thing where you were forced to learn how to do something so you or someone you care about could pursue an essential step to move forward in life, almost everyone has experienced some sort of thing where they had to do something that they never imagined themselves doing. Usually, in these situations, although it may be uncomfortable and stressful, people are more than willing to do whatever it is to make life better for themselves or someone they care about.

Thanks to Facebook memories, I was recently reminded that we have been hiring, scheduling, and managing caregivers for over nine years. I say “we” because it’s really a team effort. Nine years ago, I had made the decision to leave the agency I was with for only eight months due to major safety concerns. We had reached other options, and, as is still true today, we learned that doing it ourselves was the only option if I wanted to continue to live in my apartment. I fully admit, I had no idea what I was getting into. I had talked with a couple of friends who had been doing it for awhile and they gave me some tips. I have no HR or management degrees, but, oh, did I learn quickly.

Everything from creating an ad, to finding free websites to advertise on, to doing background checks on CCAP, to interviewing hundreds of people, to completing thousands of pages of paperwork, to waiting weeks on end for someone to be approved only to have the person not responding when you try to setup a time for training, to having people not show for training and shifts, to creating schedules with several people, to having people quit or call in with little to no notice… The list of things that is truly endless. To say I’ve learned a lot in nine years is a huge understatement.

One of the most important things I’ve learned is how to do what’s best for me. That sounds really selfish, but, when you’re reliant on caregivers to literally help you live your life, you have to be very specific about how you want to live. Of course, it’s a very fine line because you can’t be too picky or nobody is going to want to work with you. On the other hand, though, it is YOUR life. For both the client and the caregiver, sometimes it’s hard to remember that.

With all the Medicaid stuff going on, there’s a meme going around on social media saying, “I do not live in your workplace. You work in my home.”  This quote couldn’t be more accurate. My workers are in my home to help me live MY life. The timing of this meme was pretty ironic for me personally. 

I like to think of myself as a pretty patient and understanding person. Even when caregivers have no similar interests and have very different personalities than I do, I can usually find common ground somewhere—at least enough to have a cordial working relationship with the person. As I’ve discussed in past entries, I’m not going to be best friends with every caregiver and that’s perfectly fine. Having said that, when a caregiver has completely different interests and doesn’t respect your requests after being asked repeatedly, you are bound to run into some problems. This is what happened recently. The particular worker was with me for just under six months, and I really tried to make it work. She was punctual and able to physically do the work; however, not only did she have nothing in common with me, she said some very inappropriate and bizarre things. In addition, there were other concerns with things like privacy, respecting boundaries, and not following directions. It was really affecting my mental health. Each counseling session, we’d spend at least half the hour talking about how to deal with her.  It came to a point where I knew I had to let her go for my own sanity.

I had dismissed people based on attendance (basically when they stopped showing for shifts) before, but I had never let someone go for other reasons. I talked with a couple of people and my mom and I came up with a plan. The obvious first step was to make sure I had enough people to cover all of my shifts. It took a few months, but I finally had enough people to cover the majority of the shifts this month. Then, my mom and I came up with an outline for the conversation with the person. I did feel bad knowing how this would affect the person, but I had to do this for myself. Again, I’m not in HR, so I had no idea how this was going to go. It went as well as expected. It wasn’t a pleasant experience, but it had to be done.

That was a first for me and something that I never thought I’d have to do. But, know what? After doing it, a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I definitely learned things from the experience and will apply what I’ve learned in future experiences. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I’d be hiring, scheduling, and managing caregivers this long, but here I am. I know that my years of doing this are really numbered, so I’m really trying to relish the remaining years. Sometimes, we are forced into doing things that we have no desire to in order to accomplish our hopes and dreams or help someone accomplish theirs!

***The views expressed here are strictly those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of InControl Wisconsin, the Network or any of our sponsors