“I can’t wait to go home and relax.” Whether it’s after a long day at work or returning from an exotic vacation, home is usually where most people can go to relax. Home is generally where people feel most comfortable. It’s a place where people can decompress from whatever is going on in their lives. Home should be known as a safe place people can go when things get tough. It should be a place where people want to be. The concept of home looks different for everyone, but it’s a place where people can resort to. That said, there are many different reasons why home may not be the sanctuary that it’s intended to be. One reason may be because you rely on caregivers who are constantly coming and going in and out of your home.

“I’m sick of being just a job to some people,” I recently said to my mom one night. In the past, I’ve written quite a few journal entries about various topics related to caregivers. I don’t think I’ve done one on different types/personalities of workers, though.  I’ve explained that my so-called “caregiver journey” started out in late elementary school or junior high. I just had someone for an hour or so after school. It was through an agency and it was mostly middle-aged ladies. I was young and, even though they weren’t, they were like babysitters to me. They were sweet to me and helped me with what I needed until my mom got home from work. Although at the time I didn’t realize it, cares at UW-Whitewater were a very unique situation. As I’ve explained, most of the workers were students as well, so during my shifts, it was just like hanging out with a friend. The few workers who weren’t students were sweet ladies. For the most part, I didn’t run into problems with caregivers in college either. It wasn’t until I moved to Oshkosh that I realized that I was going to have to deal with caregivers with a variety of different personalities, attitudes, and work ethics.

In the almost nine years of hiring my own caregivers, I’ve had workers with a plethora of different personalities, attitudes, and work ethics. While I understand that I really am a job to people, it can be really exhausting and challenging to have people who simply don’t care about anything other than getting the “job” done. This is the type of person who is almost always a few minutes late for their shift and neglects to text me. They do the tasks they are supposed to, but that’s it. They want to get everything done as fast as possible so that they can spend the rest of the time doing what they want (usually be on their phones or computers). When I ask them for assistance with something out of the ordinary, they do it, but often not without attitude. They usually don’t say anything, but their body language often expresses negative attitude. There’s often very limited interaction with this type of person. I’m just a job to them.

On the contrary, I’ve had many workers who are overly anxious. This type of person is overbearing and he/she feels the need to share way too much information about their personal life. They also want to know everything about your life and will go to extreme measures to find out what they want to know. These are the type of people who will talk your ear off even when it’s obvious you’re busy doing something. Some make really bizarre inappropriate comments about very personal matters they have to assist you with. These people often don’t have a filter and will say what’s on their mind regardless of the circumstances. They feel the need to fill silence all of the time.

Currently, about half of my workers fit into one of these two categories. It wears me out to deal with people on both ends of the spectrum day in and out. It’s exhausting to have someone who is so nosey and talkative all day long, but then then have someone who is just in it for the money and rushes through everything here at night. It’s really challenging to constantly work with both kinds of people in your own home. In this day and age where caregivers are so few and far between, I can’t be too picky. I have to do a risk and benefit analysis of each situation.

Thankfully, the workers who I consider friends kind of balance it out at the moment. Every few days, I get a much-needed reprieve when one of them has a shift. I, of course, also have my support system which I heavily lean on. My counselor suggested that I start making a list of all the crazy and bizarre things that caregivers say and do. My mom and I have done that and it makes me laugh which is what it was intended to do. At this point, with all the crazy bizarre caregiver problems I’ve had over the last few years, my counselor is trying to get me to use humor to deal with some of the stress of it. It’s working a little bit.

For me, my apartment is still a place I call home. There are times when I feel like I can relax and enjoy decompress from whatever is going on. It’s the place where you feel most independent. However, at times, home can be a really challenging place to be.  Depending on assistance from caregivers, has forced me to learn how to work with all kinds of people. Albeit, extremely difficult at times, it’s a great skill to have!

***The views expressed here are strictly those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of InControl Wisconsin, the Network or any of our sponsors.