A hug from your child. A text message from your teenage son saying “I love you, mom.” Going to your daughter’s soccer game. Taking your kids to Disneyland. Having your little one run to you when you pick them up from school or daycare. Watching your child giggle at something funny. What do all of these things have in common? These are events that commonly bring adults my age joy. Most parents don’t even realize how often they get that little jolt of joy, but it usually happens multiple times a day. Kids have a way of bringing a little joy into the world even on your worst days. What happens when people aren’t able to have kids? At times, it’s not easy to do, but speaking for myself, I try to live vicariously through my sister and friends who have kids. For people with significant physical limitations, interacting with small kids is always a little bit of a gamble.

“Stacy,” with emphasis on the C ("Stay Ceeeee"), my almost two-year-old nephew squealed over FaceTime while his four-year-old brother anxiously waited to show me the school bus he had just drawn. With that five-minute FaceTime call, no matter how bad my day had been, it was made! A few years ago—I guess about four years ago now—I wrote about the yearning to be a mother. My sister had just had her first baby and I had become an aunt. I didn’t know how my nephew would interact with me. I didn’t know what to expect. Would he be scared of me? Not being able to talk or physically take care of him like many aunties do, how could I form a relationship with him? What would that look like? Questions like these swirled in my head.

Four years later and another little adorable nephew (if I do say so myself) added to the mix, I can tell you that those two little boys are the apples of my eye. Being an aunt is awesome. Like with some of my friends’ kids, since they never knew any different, my nephews just know me as Aunt Stacy. Do they realize I’m a little different than most people? Of course they do. Honestly, I think they realized something was different about me when they were just a few months old, but they’re still too young to articulate the questions.

My four-year-old nephew may be starting to ask questions about me to my sister and brother-in-law, but, so far, in front of me, he hasn’t really asked about why I’m different. I know he will and I want him to ask all the questions he has. Of course, the depth of our answers will depend on his age. For a couple years, telling him that I was born this way will be sufficient for him. When he gets older, we’ll introduce the term cerebral palsy and explain what it is. Will we ever share my birth story with him? Probably eventually way down the road, but we’ll wait until he asks.

Are my nephews afraid of me? That’s a difficult question to answer. When it’s been a while since they’ve seen me in-person, when they initially see me, they often step back and shy away. While I understand that they’re just not used to seeing someone with a significant physical disability, admittedly, it stings a little. Usually, with some prompting and coaxing from other adults, the boys warm up pretty fast and I can get a fist bump or a high five. If I’m around them long enough, I sometimes can even get a hug! It just depends on the scenario. I know this will get better with age and they’ll be less and less timid.

While I may not be able to do traditional things aunts do like babysit or take them on fun adventures, I continue to find ways to interact with my nephews. Whether it’d be giving them rides on back of my wheelchair, having them help open my birthday gifts, or giving them high fives, I cherish every little interaction I have with the boys because not only does it fill my heart with joy, I also know it helps them understand who I am. Right now, they are at the age where ramps are pretty cool, so they love it when I come visit because my sister and brother-in-law set up a portable ramp so I can get in the house with my power chair, and the kids love riding their bikes up and down the ramps.  They also enjoy running up and down the ramp in our van. Things like this are unique to having an aunt who has physical limitations.

Will my nephews be accepting to people with disabilities because they have me in their lives? I can’t say for sure, but I hope so. Will my relationship with the kids be different from the typical aunt? Yes, but know what? That’s okay. I know the exorbitant amount of joy they bring to my life; I only hope that I can bring a jolt of joy to theirs!

***The views expressed here are strictly those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of InControl Wisconsin, the Network or any of our sponsors.