Ever wonder when enough is enough? Whether it’s referring to a person eating too much for dinner, a parent dealing with an unruly child, picking up overtime at work, or another scenario, almost everyone has had to say “enough is enough.” We all deal with stress and anxiety differently. Some people headaches, some feel the need to exercise more, others eat more. It varies person-to-person. Whatever people do to “de-stress” usually requires them to get away from the situation at-hand. There are many different ways to release stress. Ideally, whatever stress relief activity people use, once they do it, they can go back and continue handling the circumstances. Stress is part of life. We all have it. It’s part of life. People with disabilities are no different—in fact, in many ways, I feel like we have more stress than the average person.

If you’ve read my past entries, you probably know that kind of a go-getter by nature. When my parents told me that the insurance company deemed me “unemployable” at the age of four (without even meeting me), I knew I had to prove them wrong.  I’ve done that about four times in my life between mentoring, my different work experiences, and being a business owner where I’m independently contracted with InControl Wisconsin. When someone doubts my abilities, I like to prove them wrong over and over again. In early March, I was hired to do another part-time advocacy job by a different disability organization. It was very part-time, they were more than willing to accommodate my needs, and I absolutely loved the work I was doing. It was about double the hours I currently worked. It was all virtual and I thought I could easily handle doing both jobs. Boy, was I wrong. I lasted about two-and-a-half months before I made the difficult decision to resign. In that time, I had two trips to the ER, an emergency surgery, a week-long hospital stay, and countless trips to the doctor. During all of this, I was trying to do my best with keeping up with both positions all while trying to manage my caregivers, and just keeping up with normal life. I think part of the problem was that when I have things to do, I work nonstop until I get them finished. I don’t take time to relax until I have everything done. That’s just the way I am, so I was working on stuff nonstop for weeks on end without taking time for myself.

It was my last visit to the ER that made me realize I needed to slow down. I went in because my spasticity had been so bad for so many weeks that my neurosurgeon (who I saw earlier in the day) wanted me to get scans done because he thought maybe I had an infection or something. We were all trying to figure out why my spasticity was so bad. In the ER, they literally had to sedate me because my muscles were so bad. I had a full workup done and every single thing came back normal. Normal is a great thing, but we needed to figure out what was causing all of the issues. I slept for almost 18 hours straight due to the medication they gave me. The next day, when I was finally alert, my mom told me that everything came back fine. I then made the decision that I needed to step down from my new job. I know my parents were waiting for to come to that realization. They didn’t want to tell me that I should, but they wanted me to realize that I couldn’t handle that much.

I won’t sugarcoat it’s been difficult coming to terms with the fact that my body can’t handle very much stress. My mind wants to be able to do so much more, but my body says, “sorry, no way!”  I’m learning that I need to let my body guide me. I have said “no” to more things in the last few weeks then I ever have before. It’s certainly not easy, but my health has to take priority.

It’s more than just saying no to things. In my situation, it’s also about physically being comfortable. The other day, when my mom and I were on the way to another medical appointment, I told her about how I was planning to wear a dress with tennis shoes to our big 4^th of July party. This won’t make any sense to most people, but when my feet are fully protected by wearing tennis shoes, my whole body is calmer. I have lots of dressy shoes and sandals I’ve worn to wedding and special occasions, but my body always is more tense when I wear them. I was telling mom how people will probably laugh at me at the party, but I don’t care—being comfortable is more important. She agreed.

Another example of enjoying life in the moment is getting what you want when you want it. I can’t go into financial details for obvious reasons, but I’m learning that I should get what I want and not wait for the “right time.” People with disabilities who receive government benefits are really limited financially. We can’t really save too much money (yes, I have an ABLE account, but it has so many stipulations that I have to be really careful); if we go over a certain amount in our account, we lose things like insurance and long-term care services. Many of us would never be able to afford to pay out of pocket for insurance and care services, so we have to very vigilante about our finances. I’m essentially learning that I need to spend money on things that I want rather than waiting for another time.

At age 36, do I feel like a 90-year-old? Yes, in so many ways. As I’ve said in many previous entries, Cerebral Palsy is considered a non-progressive condition; however, as we get older, our bodies seem to age faster than the average person. For me, slowing down and reducing my responsibilities has seemed to help me physically quite a bit. I still have problems with my spasticity from time to time, but I’m not stressed if I need to take the time to relax. I know that I have time to do what needs to be done. I don’t have to rush anything.

How do you know when enough is enough? That’s a good question. I’m still trying to figure that out. Personally, I’m learning that I have to let my body be my guide. If I start feeling too much stress (of any kind), my muscles will let me know. People need to listen to their body. Nobody else is going know when “enough is enough” for another person. Life is too short. Relax. Take time for yourself. Be comfortable. We only get one chance to live. Enjoy it!

***The views expressed here are strictly those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of InControl Wisconsin, the Network or any of our sponsors.