Waiting. Whether it’s waiting for a red light, waiting for a loved one to come home, waiting for a package to come in the mail, or waiting for something else, whether we like it or not, waiting is a part of life. Some people do it better than others, but, generally, people don’t enjoy waiting. The saying, “patience is a virtue” comes to mind when we discuss the challenges of waiting. In a past entry, I talked about how people with disabilities are generally pretty good at waiting because basically we many times we have no other choice than to since we depend on assistance from others. However, we aren’t the only ones who need to have patience. The people who we work with and interact with often need to have some patience as well.

Having severe physical limitations, things take much longer to complete most of the time. Things as simple as grasping a straw to take a sip of water or hitting a button to open the door can take me a lot longer than the average person. With the type of cerebral palsy I have, when I’m under any sort of pressure to do something, my body freezes. When my brain tells my muscles to do something under pressure, it’s like they lock up. It’s not only frustrating for me, but it’s also frustrating for people who help and interact with me.

My mom, dad, sister and close friends understand this pretty well and know not to rush me most of the time. However, like everyone else, they occasionally get impatient and get frustrated with me. They know it’s part of my disability and that I’m trying my best, but, sometimes, understandably it’s frustrating to wait for me to do the simplest of things. They get irritated with me, and, often, want to just quick do whatever the task is for me. Sometimes, that isn’t possible though. For example, when I’m talking to them using my communication app on my phone, they often try to guess what I’m trying to say before I’m finished typing it. Now, others who use communication devices absolutely hate when people do this; however, I personally don’t mind. If they guess wrong, I just continue typing. If they guess right, we can just move on with the conversation faster.

It’s frustrating when others close to me don’t understand this. I remember one family Christmas a few years ago, I was trying to talk to a family member about something, and the person got up and walked away while I was trying to talk to them. I realize the person did this because they didn’t realize I was trying to talk with them, but that is so frustrating. People who don’t realize that often things take me longer, don’t know to wait for me. 

Sometimes, even though it’d be much quicker to have someone help me, there are things I like doing independently. This is the case for many people with disabilities. While we appreciate the help, sometimes, it’s gratifying to be able to do things by ourselves. This example is funny, but it demonstrates this point well. For me, I’m able to physically use a tissue to blow my nose myself. As weird as that sounds, you have to understand the skill it takes to grab a tissue and hold it up to your nose yourself when you have limited fine motor skills. Would it be easier and quicker to have someone hold the tissue for me? Absolutely, but it’s something I can do independently. Other people with similar circumstances use opening a door as an example. Would it be faster if someone else opened it for you? Sure, but independence is such an important thing.

Over the last few years, I’ve seen many doctors for various reasons. One thing I’ve noticed is that for whatever reason doctors seems to be patient with me. Most of them wait for me to communicate, and usually don’t look to my mom for what I’m trying to say. I’m impressed by this. Maybe it’s because they know me well enough to know to wait. It’s nice—I really appreciate it. I wish others would follow.

I fully admit, I lose my patience with myself and others from time to time. It’s human nature. Living with a disability has taught me lots of things, but patience is one of the biggest things. In my situation, I literally have to be patient with my body. If I try to rush things, it’ll likely end up taking me significantly longer. People who get to know me learn this pretty quick most of the time. People who don’t know me well get frustrated waiting for me to do things. While I understand, unfortunately, I can’t change that. It’s something I deal with on a daily basis, and I’ve learned to try my best, and accept that some people will never understand why things take me longer. Patience is truly a virtue, and, while some have more than others, waiting is something everyone has to do to some extent. All the time—but especially during the holiday season this year—remember people are doing the best they can. Be patient with others. Take the time to talk to people. Try not to rush people. Life is too short!

***The views expressed here are strictly those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of InControl Wisconsin, the Network or any of our sponsors.